A list of reasons that I can still be a Mormon even when God asks me to do things that I don't understand.
Why am I writing this?
That part is simple.
Rabecca. Jordan. Grandma. Dave. Blaine. Camille. Thad. Aren.
The list goes on and on.
Family. Friends. Peers. Acquaintances. Loved ones.
I am writing this because people I care about have been hurt by the recent change in LDS policy that children of gays cannot be baptized until they are 18, without special permission from The First Presidency.
I am not writing this post to change anyone's opinion. It's not about what I have to prove ("I'm smart, you're dumb; I'm big, you're small; I'm right, you're wrong" as the dad in Matilda would put it). It is about what I stand to lose: cherished relationships with people who I love, respect, and care about.
I do not want our differences to come between us.
I figure that if something happened that offended me as much as this has clearly hurt all of you, and you went along with it, I'm sure I would be wondering, "How can they possibly support that?" And it might taint my opinion of you or cause a riff in our cherished relationship.
That is what I want to avoid.
I repeat:
It's not about what I have to prove. It is about what I stand to lose.
So, because I want you to love me despite our differences, to help you understand where I'm coming from, here are a few reasons that I believe this recent policy change has taken place. It is because of my faith in these principles, and others, that I will remain firm in my faith even when others question it. (If you've read my recent Facebook comments, you'll already have seen some of these. But this is my attempt to organize them in a way that is a little more…well, organized.)
1. He's testing them.
"And [The Lord] said [unto Abraham], Lay not thine hand upon the lad, neither do thou any thing unto him: for now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou has not withheld thy son, thine only son from me."
(Genesis 22:12)
I'm sure that taken as an attack on anyone who is gay or has gay family members, this policy seems horrendously discriminatory. And if mortal men had made this decision, it would be. But I do not believe that this decision was made by mortal men. I believe with everything I have that this decision was made by God. The same God who sent these exact children to this exact earth at this exact time, knowing full-well how these exact children would be affected by this exact policy.
God knew that this is exact trial is what these exact children needed at this exact time to help them grow and flourish in His Kingdom in the best way possible for them. For these exact children whom He knows, loves, and watches over every day.
How can I say this when I am not one of these children?
Because God has done the same thing for me. Many times in my life when faced with a trial, I have at first said, "This is not fair", "Why me", "This doesn't make sense." But as the trial went on I found myself praising God and loving Him more than I ever could have without this trial, because I realized now that it was exactly what I needed at the exact time. I wish I had time to go into every example of this. I won't go into them here, but please, reach out to me and I will personally share one or more of these "Abraham and Isaac experiences" with you so that you can see that I know how God's fellow children are feeling when He tests them in this way.
2. He's testing me.
It would be easy to label me as a bigot because I am going along with this policy and not allowing it to shake my faith. But please do not mistake the fact that my faith is not shaken for the idea that my heart is not breaking.
My heart is breaking for these children.
(Anyone who has a heart's heart is breaking for these children.)
For whatever reason, I have been blessed from the time that I was very small with a very strong faith in the God who gave me life. So when it was my turn to join His church that I love so very much, I did not take my time approaching the waters of baptism, dipping one toe in at a time, but ran full speed ahead and cannon balled in. And every day since I have been grateful that I made that choice, because of how much happiness it has brought me.
So of course, I want every one to be given the same opportunity. And to know that some children of God (not just children of gays, but people in all sorts of different situations from mine) cannot, for whatever reason, be baptized right when they turn 8 is hard for me. But when the Lord gives these hard commandments, even if they don't apply to me, He expects me to trust Him with everything I have and to not let it ruin my cherished relationship with Him.
Just like I have said, "Why me", many times in my life I have said, "Why him?" or "Why her?". I have poured out my soul to God, begging Him to help me understand why someone I love so much had to go through something so incredibly difficult.
But that is the nature of mortality.
This life is a test. And it is hard. And it is temporary. Not just for me. Not just for gays or children of gays. But for everyone.
3. A covenant, not a club.
Now this is where I get into some very sacred LDS doctrine that, although simple at its core, is hard to explain and has taken me a lifetime to understand. But I feel I should share it anyway, because it is one of the biggest things that sets our church apart from many others. It is about our view on baptism.
From what I understand, in most religions baptism is a symbol of your faith and a chance to show God and others that you love Him. But in the LDS church, we believe that when we are baptized and confirmed we make very specific, very sacred promises to God, and we are bound by these promises for the rest of eternity. We promise to bear the name of Christ and be a witness of Him, to keep all the commandments of God, and to always remember the Lord. In return, God promises that we as we do these things, we will always have His Spirit to be with us, to guide and comfort us on life's journey.
The sacred nature of covenants is something that we take very seriously. So a child needs a good support system (parents, grandparents, etc.) who understand these covenants, in order to be able to live up to the promises that they have made and eventually be saved in the Kingdom of God.
The policy that has always been in place in the LDS church is that to be baptized any child under 18 must 1) receive parental permission, 2) be living worthily, 3) be at least 8 years of age, and 4) have at least a basic understanding of the eternal significance of what they're doing.
The change that happened in the policy is that now children living with gay parents have to be 18 to be baptized, unless they receive specific permission from the first presidency. This may sound drastic, but this is actually a pretty common thing in our church. Not just for baptism, but for other cases as well, like attending the temple. Someone who is in an out-of-the-ordinary situation where they are at a statistically higher risk of breaking their covenants (history of serious sins, parents do not live or believe the gospel, coming from a culture like the Muslim culture where becoming a Christian is illegal) is often required to write a letter to the first presidency explaining their situation to get specific permission to be baptized, go to the temple, etc. Once they receive permission they can proceed as normal and all is fine and dandy. They may receive extra attention from their church leaders to help make sure they stay on the right path, but so does anyone who is having a particularly hard time.
The goal is just to make sure that anyone making such a significant and sacred change in their life has the support system that they need to be able to do so worthily.
The part that the NYTimes stated about having to disavow your family is a huge misunderstanding/misrepresentation of the policy.
We promise not to engage in same-sex behaviors ourselves, but we love our family the very same.
4. Sacred, not secret.
I posted on Facebook, "I feel like I should say that this issue…was never meant to be publicized. The church only comes out and publicizes policies that are meant to be heard by the whole world/whole church. Otherwise things like this are left very personal between God, His servants, and His children. This came out in the open because someone digging up dirt on the church wanted something to spread about us for the sake of causing contention. As far as the church is concerned, this issue is between these members and their families and the Lord. It was never meant to be everybody else's business."
Someone asked me why that makes it okay.
Here I wanted to try and clarify what the reason for not publicizing things like this is.
With the exception of like 10 very specific things that happen in the temple, nothing about the LDS church is a secret. Yes, we were commanded to practice polygamy for a short time in the 1800's. Yes, black people had to wait longer than whites to receive the Priesthood. Yes, we wear funny underwear. These controversial issues, while difficult to talk about sometimes, are things we as a church are very open about. These are not secrets. However, many things in our church are supposed to be held very sacred. This means that we don't go talking about them all the time to anyone who will listen. We don't post about them on Facebook or make movies about them.
We hold them sacred.
This means that we discuss or address these parts of our religion when it is appropriate, on more of a need-to-know basis. With our spouse, our bishop, in the temple. These are places that it is good and important to discuss sacred matters with others. But most of the time they are our personal matters that we share only with God and our spouse, parents, or those who need to know about them. This is because we love God and our relationship with Him so much that we don't want the world to infringe on that sacred union. So we hold it in our hearts where it can be safe from other's scorn, as well as from Satan and his followers.
At least that is how I view my covenants and other sacred experiences. They are beautiful and cherished, but they are so important to me that I'm not going to put them on display where Satan can knock them down or take pictures of them or talk crudely about them. I will hold them where only God and I can see, so that they remain untainted from the world.
Everything that happens in a church (any church) doesn't have to be everyone else's business. Our church, especially, emphasizes personal relationship with God over how the world sees us. We understand and appreciate that we are "a peculiar people" (1 Peter 2:9). Whatever anyone else thinks does not matter as long as God thinks and I think that I am choosing the right.
Conclusion
I don't claim to know everything about the God I believe in or the LDS church. But I have tried to explain our doctrine and policies (which, by the way, are not the same thing) to the best of my understanding and to help you feel a little more tolerant toward me and my beliefs.
I hope I have helped soften at least one heart today. Again, I will love you the same no matter your opinion of my church or its policies. And I hope with all of my heart that I can receive the same attitude from you. I hope that our differences, however big or small, will not come between us, but allow us to see each other in a new and brilliant light and even strengthen our relationship.
Hopefully now, even if you hate me, you can sort of understand where I'm coming from.
Mormon Lingo
Abraham and Isaac experiences: In chapter 22 of Genesis, the Lord told Abraham to go up to the mountain and sacrifice his only son, Isaac, on the altar. With a heavy heart, Abraham prepared to do this thing, the hardest thing that the Lord would ever ask of him. But just as he was holding the knife in preparation to perform the sacrifice, the Lord stopped him. "Abraham and Isaac" experiences are moments when the Lord stretches us nearly to our snapping point. But He stops us just in the nick of time. So that we have grown and stretched and become better, but never snapped.
Covenants: "A covenant is a sacred agreement between God and a person or a group of people. God sets specific conditions, and He promises to bless us as we obey those conditions. When we choose not to keep covenants, we cannot receive the blessings, and in some instances we suffer a penalty as a consequence of our disobedience." (lds.org, gospel topics).
Mortality: Mormons believe in a life before this one as well as a life after. We believe that this life is a "probationary state; a time to prepare to meet God: a time to prepare for that endless state…which is after the resurrection of the dead." (Alma 12: 24). So this life is not what matters. This life is a test to help us prepare for Eternal Life, which is the important part. The good part.
Being "saved" in the Kingdom of God: Unlike many Christians, the LDS church teaches that being saved is not a one time thing, but a process. After baptism and temple covenants, we are faced with trials and temptations and we are required to overcome these through Christ's help to maintain our relationship with God and our literal place in His Kingdom. Some people describe it like this: we have a castle in God's Kingdom, but being baptized only lays the foundation for our Heavenly Home. We must continue to make righteous choices to lay the bricks and mortar and furnish the home. Salvation is a lifelong, even stretching into the post-mortal life, process.
The First Presidency is comprised of the prophet, Thomas S. Monson, and his counselors, Dieter F. Uchtdorf and Henry B. Eyring.
